Washington, January 14, 2007 — Prior to the November 7 midterm elections, many political analysts wondered how President Bush would handle the last two years of his presidency if the Democrats seized control of the Congress. Nearly all agreed it would be a lonely time for a President accustomed to being surrounded by friends in Congress. None of the analyst’s observations included the possibility that President Bush would retreat from the world stage to the world of online gaming. It appears, however, that that is just what President Bush has done as he has been using the “Internets” to do more than to just use “the Google” to look at images of his ranch inCrawford,Texas, but is a passionate player of the online game Runescape.

Runescape, made by British game developer Jagex Limited, is a Java-programmed Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game based in the fantasy world of Gielinor. Players create characters and develop skills in order to undertake quests, earn wealth, battle monsters and fight other players. Runescape has over nine million active free players and over 850,000 paying members, of which President Bush is one. A source inside the White House revealed that many senior members of the White House staff became concerned over the President’s continuing removal from day-to-day affairs around mid November when he began missing his own Presidential Daily Briefings and on the rare occasion he did attend he kept referring to world leaders as “noobs” or yelling “owned” or “woot” at various points in the meeting. It has gotten to the stage that he now refuses to show up to his meetings and rarely holds press conferences.

Another White House source who wishes to remain anonymous and is familiar with the President’s various Runescape characters noted that President Bush discovered Runescape via various conversations with some of his daughters’ various boyfriends during March and April of 2006. According to the White House source, this infamous meeting led to President Bush creating his prized combat level 67 range staker from which he claims to won a green party hat and over seven million (Runescape currency). This staker is more of a hybrid (some mage levels in addition to range levels in order to increase his hitpoints along with a bit of defense, but still without prayer) ranger than a pure ranger and the President has excelled in setting up the stakes and rules in the Dueling Arena to his advantage.